Driving Tips for Devils

Okay you asked for it. Note that all the "Tips" in this page are strongly frowned upon. They are NOT encouraged, in fact they can be used as a reminder of things we should not do.
Parental guidance is advised for little kids who just got their P-plates. Nonetheless feel free to contribute or comment by clicking on the comment at the top right hand corner of this article.

1. How to win:
It's all about winning. Typically the car that is ahead is the winner. The key aspect is to hold off long enough and when you decide that you are no longer competing you must exit quickly otherwise when you ease of the accelerator the other car may overtake you and rob you of your trophy. A quick way is filter off the main lane, while doing that you must show an expression of gratification and give a victory sign!

2. How to cut queue:
In the morning traffic or when heading home, often we are stuck at exits or entrance and often into expressways. The queue is long and it's dumb to wait in line and it takes ages for you to get on the
expressways. A good way to cut queue is not to let others know you are going to cut in front of them so do not slow down and cruise along the queue, everyone will tighten the gap! instead act as if you are going straight and not concerned with the queue that means do not signal! once you put on your signal you can forget about filtering into the line of cars. Depending on the length of the queue you often must act fast, so whilst driving along the queue waiting for an opportunity to cut in look at these points:

a) It's easier to cut in front of a lady driver (Look for one - and the "easiness" rises exponentially with the lady driver's age)

b) It's easier to cut in front of a HEAVY vehicle due to the amount of torque needed for them to move off (NOTE: I mean a stationary Heavy vehicle - if it's moving, and you decide to pull the stunt? God bless your soul)

c) This Last point is VERY important : See the two images below:- You need to look for what we queue cutters call safe zone: a zone that allows you to cut in and with almost no risk of being blocked by the car behind saving you good face (it's very malu if you failed to cut in because at such slow speed your face is in full view) (See image below)

Look for a car that is slightly not in lined with the car in front of him, and it has to be out towards the centre divider (e.g. Car A) This gives you a Good safe zone. Now if you look at car C although there are lots of space in front BUT it is misaligned and Car C is to the left relative to Car D, if you try to go into the Risky safe zone, Car C can easily speed up and prevent you from cutting in.

3. Catch me if you can
Many times if you are faced with tailgaters who push you hard. Usually tailgaters want to achieve a few things. One of them is to be superior, and when you give way to them they feel great. Also they will get the high by being really close to you; it gives them the superiority feel akin to SM if you know what I mean. Now the trick is simple, you can pull this well only when you are being tailgated and approaching a stoplight… slow down faster than you normally would and almost to a stop but about 1-2 car lengths from the stop line or the vehicle in front of you …then all u need to do now is to play with the brakes… don’t stop but dead slow…inching forward at about 1inch per second … The tailgater gets thrown off his antics.. If he stops he is not tailgating you anymore but if he moves forward you move forward and he is effectively not sticking on to you. This usually deflects their attempt at intimidating you.

4. The Sandwich technique
Another form of tailgaters are those that gun down the expressway’s 1st lane and when you are already doing 100kmph they expect you to filter left and let their big rear pass. Now this technique requires you to look for one thing, a slower car in front on the 1st lane … Now when you spot a slower car in front of you (may be a distance) and a tailgater breathing up your rear. You would want to filter left and the key point is to keep pace with the tailgater. Once the tailgater reaches the slower car in front that’s when the technique comes into play. You want to stay on the 2nd lane but align your car so that it sits between the slower car and the tailgater … this serves two purposes. It prevents the slower car from filtering into the second lane and also causing the tailgater to be “trapped” for as long as you wish to hold him up.

5. The water sprinkler
Again, when faced with a tailgater try to use your windshield spray (may not work for MPVs and SUVs) you may want to align one of your sprays (usually the left one) to point higher up… and when you have a nosy car behind you just spray away. He’ll back off when you get enough suds on him.

6. I’m not playing
Many times you could get cut off by another car abruptly. And usually they will feel extremely satisfied because they have assured themselves that they are faster and more skillful than you. Also they have taken up the “front” position. So they key is once you see a car trying to cut you off, you would want to quickly filter off and not be behind him. You will take away half of his satisfaction because now it’s appears that he is NOT cutting you off but both of you merely filtered lanes.


7. Line Cheat
When you going on ramp into an expressway usually it’s a merging lane (2 to 1) and usually cars tend to fight for their right of way. Always keep right, and once you see the white divider markings what you can do is keep your right tires ON the while line, avoid the tiny square little bumps. This will give you an edge on filtering onto the main expressway and also sort of prevents the cars on the left from “eating” into your way.


WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT any of the techniques stated above, they are illegal and will get you into deep trouble with the law. They are merely for educational and humor purposes.